Thursday, 31 July 2014


...and God Almighty said “ is not good for man to be alone, I will provide him an help meet for him...” That was the Almighty, just immediately after creation has been confirmed good, very good. He affirmed that the only thing not good about creation as at that period, was man being alone...even God Himself is not alone, forever with God the Son, the HolySpirit, 24 elders, host of Angels, etc...He has companions. So it’s safe to tell that friend of yours forming James Bond or Angelina Jolie...having the “I can do all myself” attitude to calm down and find a suitable shoulder to lean on.
Truth is everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, note, I didn’t say cry on, but lean on! Quickly let me spell it out, Companionship is a twisted form of Friendship, but they are never thesame thing. The Oxford dictionary defines both thus:
Companion: A friend, acquaintance or partner, someone with whom one spends time and keeps company.
Friend: A person other than a family member, spouse or lover whose company one enjoys and towards whom one feels affection.
Companionship is a craving of the soul of everyone, and the first step to living a life worthwile is embracing Companionship. It is a term that qualifies someone walking with you heading the way you are headed. God has designed us in such way that we all need companionship, a shoulder to lean on. Nobody succeeds in isolation! As a matter of fact, it has been observed that the major cause of suicide, depression, mental retardation, etc is lack of companionship (Loneliness) or wrong companionship. There is a craving in every man to relate, to pour out, to socialize, to interact, to communicate, to confide...this craving has however caused as much damage as it has caused good too. Therefore, in our quest for companionship, caution has to be taken.
In order not to muddle things up, I will be explicit as it relates to Singles and Couples, because Companionship with Singles definitely differs from that of the Married.
As Singles...
...the crave for companionship amongst Singles is very much on the high. The urge for exploration coupled with the crave for companionship has led some to Success and many others to doom. As Singles, control is a key factor here. Not all your friend can be your companion. As much as you yearn for shoulders to lean on, be selective! Lean only on shoulders of those going in your direction in life. Friendship, and indeed Companionship is by choice never by imposition. Choose your Companions wisely. If you are not benefitting productively from a friendship, there is no point making such a one your companion. I once heard a story of how a brother missed his flight simply by talking to a wrong companion at the Airport. They called his flight at departure time, and just because the companion he was with at the Airport was also holding an Arik ticket, he thought they were both headed thesame way. Your future and vision is much more important than that companion you have stuck with. Place value on your future and disassociate from everyone and anyone not going your direction.
For the Married/Engaged..., it is a different ball game. It is unfortunate that many couples are missing out on this purpose of Marriage. Even though some couples dwell together under thesame roof, constant quarrels and rancour pull them kilometres apart; so they live together, yet alone. True companionship will add meaning to your marriage. Your spouse is not just to be your roommate, but your closest friend. Your spouse ought to be your first and best consultant and associate in all things. Protecting family unity and development is then non-negotiable. Family is so essential as the school of virtues par excellence. If companionship in families is functional, bad things will decrease and good ones increase. Your spouse is your best companion; no one else should come into the circle. If we do not protect the family institution, we will be completely finished. As the saying goes with emphasis of mine, if you marry the right person (and make him/her your companion), you are complete, if you marry the wrong person (whether you make him/her your companion or not), you are finished. But if you marry the right person and you have made another (wrong one) your companion, then you are completely finished.
No one succeeds in isolation, embrace companionship today...however, make it with the right person!

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Why should I make my Relationship status known to the Public?

I’ve heard people talk about Open relationships, Closed relationships, Complicated relationships, Friends with benefits, etc. I have often wondered the essence of the adjectives always added to the word Relationship. Deep thoughts on the subject matter have brought me to the conclusion that the major determinant of the adjective that the word relationship takes on for every individual is the factor called insecurity in relationships. I think you should either be in a relationship or you are out.
I came across a quote that reads “...Relationships these days: One male, one female, one ex trying to mess it up & one friend secretly hoping it ends...”, this has prompted the question in my heart “Should I make my relationship know to the public or refrain from such?” Well, individuals idea of the word "public" varies, however, we know anything public involves a 3rd party definitely.
Everything has it’s advantages and disadvantages, no doubt. But as with all things and situation, one has to weigh the options and see which outweighs the other.
First, it is clear that as individuals, not everyone will like you, now think of you two in a relationship, that’s like combining enemy forces focusing on your relationship. The idea here is there are people who the thought of the two of you together will always piss-off and if there is anything they can do to split the union, they will gladly do that.
On the other hand, when relationships are coded, boundaries are bound to be crossed and foot stepped upon. I have seen a situation where two friends are after thesame lady all because they didn’t let each other in on their escapades.
There was a story I heard of 3 Musketeers in a certain locality. A new lady came into the neighbourhood and the eye of the entire young lads in that neighbourhood became fastened on her. Ofcourse, courage to approach a lady, most especially a learned one rested on the 3 musketeers that controls that locality. Unknown to the leader of the pack, another member of the group already had moves made with the lady and if not for proper communication, there would have been a clash of interests and ofcourse, the leader of the pack had to step aside. At the turn of events, the one who had the shot with the lady eventually messed things up, and the leader of the pack missed out on the glorious chance.
What is it that therefore causes insecurity in relationships? Why do relationships take up different adjectives like open, close, complicated, beneficial, etc? Why do relationships terminate unexpectedly? Can a relationship be made public and still shield itself from interferences from friends and family?
Being in a relationship with someone and then it crashes, where does that leave you as regards a chance with other folks in the neighbourhood.

Unlike many of my blog-posts that end with a sense of opinion and certainty, this is rather ending on a bewildered note and I long to hear your views about the subject matter. Should I let everyone know that I am now hooked up with the lady next door? Is this problem Masculine of Feminine in nature? At what point does it become important to alert the Public on my relationship status? Should I make it known from the onset?