COMPANIONSHIP...ALLOW ME LEAN ON YOUR SHOULDER!

...and God Almighty said “...it is not good for man to be alone, I will provide him an help meet for him...” That was the Almighty, just immediately after creation has been confirmed good, very good. He affirmed that the only thing not good about creation as at that period, was man being alone...even God Himself is not alone, forever with God the Son, the HolySpirit, 24 elders, host of Angels, etc...He has companions. So it’s safe to tell that friend of yours forming James Bond or Angelina Jolie...having the “I can do all myself” attitude to calm down and find a suitable shoulder to lean on.

Truth is everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, note, I didn’t say cry on, but lean on! Quickly let me spell it out, Companionship is a twisted form of Friendship, but they are never thesame thing. The Oxford dictionary defines both thus:

Companion: A friend, acquaintance or partner, someone with whom one spends time and keeps company.

Friend: A person other than a family member, spouse or lover whose company one enjoys and towards whom one feels affection.

Companionship is a craving of the soul of everyone, and the first step to living a life worthwile is embracing Companionship. It is a term that qualifies someone walking with you heading the way you are headed. God has designed us in such way that we all need companionship, a shoulder to lean on. Nobody succeeds in isolation! As a matter of fact, it has been observed that the major cause of suicide, depression, mental retardation, etc is lack of companionship (Loneliness) or wrong companionship. There is a craving in every man to relate, to pour out, to socialize, to interact, to communicate, to confide...this craving has however caused as much damage as it has caused good too. Therefore, in our quest for companionship, caution has to be taken.

In order not to muddle things up, I will be explicit as it relates to Singles and Couples, because Companionship with Singles definitely differs from that of the Married.

As Singles...

...the crave for companionship amongst Singles is very much on the high. The urge for exploration coupled with the crave for companionship has led some to Success and many others to doom. As Singles, control is a key factor here. Not all your friend can be your companion. As much as you yearn for shoulders to lean on, be selective! Lean only on shoulders of those going in your direction in life. Friendship, and indeed Companionship is by choice never by imposition. Choose your Companions wisely. If you are not benefitting productively from a friendship, there is no point making such a one your companion. I once heard a story of how a brother missed his flight simply by talking to a wrong companion at the Airport. They called his flight at departure time, and just because the companion he was with at the Airport was also holding an Arik ticket, he thought they were both headed thesame way. Your future and vision is much more important than that companion you have stuck with. Place value on your future and disassociate from everyone and anyone not going your direction.

For the Married/Engaged...

...here, it is a different ball game. It is unfortunate that many couples are missing out on this purpose of Marriage. Even though some couples dwell together under thesame roof, constant quarrels and rancour pull them kilometres apart; so they live together, yet alone. True companionship will add meaning to your marriage. Your spouse is not just to be your roommate, but your closest friend. Your spouse ought to be your first and best consultant and associate in all things. Protecting family unity and development is then non-negotiable. Family is so essential as the school of virtues par excellence. If companionship in families is functional, bad things will decrease and good ones increase. Your spouse is your best companion; no one else should come into the circle. If we do not protect the family institution, we will be completely finished. As the saying goes with emphasis of mine, if you marry the right person (and make him/her your companion), you are complete, if you marry the wrong person (whether you make him/her your companion or not), you are finished. But if you marry the right person and you have made another (wrong one) your companion, then you are completely finished.

No one succeeds in isolation, embrace companionship today...however, make it with the right person!

Why should I make my Relationship status known to the Public?

I’ve heard people talk about Open relationships, Closed relationships, Complicated relationships, Friends with benefits, etc. I have often wondered the essence of the adjectives always added to the word Relationship. Deep thoughts on the subject matter have brought me to the conclusion that the major determinant of the adjective that the word relationship takes on for every individual is the factor called insecurity in relationships. I think you should either be in a relationship or you are out.

I came across a quote that reads “...Relationships these days: One male, one female, one ex trying to mess it up & one friend secretly hoping it ends...”, this has prompted the question in my heart “Should I make my relationship know to the public or refrain from such?” Well, individuals idea of the word "public" varies, however, we know anything public involves a 3^rd party definitely.

Everything has it’s advantages and disadvantages, no doubt. But as with all things and situation, one has to weigh the options and see which outweighs the other.

First, it is clear that as individuals, not everyone will like you, now think of you two in a relationship, that’s like combining enemy forces focusing on your relationship. The idea here is there are people who the thought of the two of you together will always piss-off and if there is anything they can do to split the union, they will gladly do that.

On the other hand, when relationships are coded, boundaries are bound to be crossed and foot stepped upon. I have seen a situation where two friends are after thesame lady all because they didn’t let each other in on their escapades.

There was a story I heard of 3 Musketeers in a certain locality. A new lady came into the neighbourhood and the eye of the entire young lads in that neighbourhood became fastened on her. Ofcourse, courage to approach a lady, most especially a learned one rested on the 3 musketeers that controls that locality. Unknown to the leader of the pack, another member of the group already had moves made with the lady and if not for proper communication, there would have been a clash of interests and ofcourse, the leader of the pack had to step aside. At the turn of events, the one who had the shot with the lady eventually messed things up, and the leader of the pack missed out on the glorious chance.

What is it that therefore causes insecurity in relationships? Why do relationships take up different adjectives like open, close, complicated, beneficial, etc? Why do relationships terminate unexpectedly? Can a relationship be made public and still shield itself from interferences from friends and family?

Being in a relationship with someone and then it crashes, where does that leave you as regards a chance with other folks in the neighbourhood.

Unlike many of my blog-posts that end with a sense of opinion and certainty, this is rather ending on a bewildered note and I long to hear your views about the subject matter. Should I let everyone know that I am now hooked up with the lady next door? Is this problem Masculine of Feminine in nature? At what point does it become important to alert the Public on my relationship status? Should I make it known from the onset?

Wonder why God doesnt sleep? Well, here is One...

Have you ever pondered why God doesn't sleep, slumber or take a nap...despite the fact that He rested on the seventh day, even after creation? What keeps Him so occupied that He neither sleeps nor slumbers.

People sleep, animals sleep, even the day sleeps when the night is awake and the night sleeps when the day is awake. The Sun, Moon and Stars also sleep. The flowers sleep, the rivers and oceans sleep, when they are calm. Virtually everything God created sleeps, why then will the Creator of the Universe neither sleep nor slumber?

Well, I’m glad to let you know one of the many reasons He will never blink His eyes in sleep or slumber is because of the Law of Seed time and Harvest. Genesis 8:22. If something is not going to cease, then, there must be a regular caretaker for such thing.

In the scripture above, God was saying “I have dealt with everyone collectively. I have destroyed all living. But no more! From now on, each one will get whatever he deserves. I will deal with each man according to his ways.” It was again reiterated in Galatians 6:5-7.

If God is out there denying Himself sleep, to make sure everyone reaps what he/she sows, why wont you make it a duty to sow good seeds?

Many are stagnated today because of the evil seeds they have sown in time past, either in words or deeds. We have several stories in the scripture that validates this. Peter rebuked Jesus (Mark 8:32), Paul rebuked Peter too (Gal. 2:11). David got Uriah’s wife (II Sam. 11: ), Absalom, his son took ALL of David’s wives (II Sam. 16:21). Paul persecuted the Church, He was called into persecution himself. Jacob tricked Esau, Laban tricked him too.

It’s about time you stop wrestling with shadows! If you are involved in planning someone’s death, you won’t escape death yourself. If you roll a stone to crush any man, it will return to crush you too. Ecclesiastes 10:5-9. Many are under the curse of seed time and harvest today thinking it is the devil. Things won’t just work, because of he seeds they have sown. Friends, every act is a seed, harvest is coming.

If you know God will not sleep until your harvest is delivered, then it is wise to keep sowing good seeds. Esther 6:1. God will not sleep, why? To ensure that you don’t reap what you did not sow. God has a book of records, with which he takes care of seed time and harvest. This covenant is one of the reasons God wont sleep.

The book of records reckons with all that you do as a Christian, so that for every seed you sow (whether good or bad ones), you do not miss your harvest.

The story of Hamman and Mordecai paints a valid picture of what goes on during the period of seed time and harvest. Please note the following points in the story:

Mordecai sowed a seed, saving the King, but no reward came...instantly.

Hamman was spiteful of Mordecai because of his dedication to his God.

Hamman made to bring Mordecai down, plotted evil and acted in that direction.

The King could not sleep...when the time of harvest came.

The book of record was revisited when the harvest will favour Mordecai.

Hamman was humiliated and eventually killed using his own plot.

Friends, on the day of your harvest, God is not going to sleep! So make sure you are sowing good seeds, because thesame God that wouldn’t sleep, to ensure what Mordecai had not sown, he wouldn’t reap, would also not sleep to ensure that what Hamman sowed, he must reap. Proverbs 26:27.

Even if it means, thunder, fire and brimstone, God will disarm your enemy, to be sure you don’t reap what you have not sown.

What didn’t let the King sleep is what didn’t let Mordecai die. God is eternally awake to see that the law of seed time and harvest take it’s due course.

Start sowing good seeds today...cos in due time, you harvest is sure, God will not sleep!

An audience with Great men...

It is known that the beginning of an oak tree is a small seed. So also is the mustard seed, as small as it is generates life when planted. Hence the importance and significance of seeds as well as the fertile ground on which it thrives cannot be overemphasized. It is expected that the latter end of a thing should be greater than the former and hence a new beginning is an opportunity to make a great and desirable end. The seed in this context is the gift of God in the life of a man.

The trend in our modern day however baffles me. Day-in-day-out, we see people (most especially the youth) wasting God’s gift (seed) upon their lives. We know the gifts and callings of God are without repentance but it will continually lie fallow if not properly nurtured and trained.

The seed that makes great is not the seed that lies fallow, untrained and unattended to. Rather, it is one that is properly cultivated, nurtured, pruned and garnished under the right atmosphere and conditions. It is said that the gifts of a man (seed deposited by God) makes room for him and brings him before great men. Question then is…what happens when the room is made for you? What happens when you appear before great men?

The gift (seed) will only grant you access to the presence of great men, only attitude, training and acquired skills on that seed that will eventually make the great men approve of you and help place you on the path to fulfillment of destiny. Everyone desires greatness, but not everyone wants to go through the rigors of training. Be informed that the seed in you can either be used productively or otherwise. But after all is said and done, the gift will always create a room for you among the elites.

A close look at the daughter of Herodias paints a worth-wile picture. She had the gift to dance and entertain. She must have acquired certain skills in the entertainment world and trained herself so well that she was the one called upon in the whole of the Kingdom to perform in the King’s banquet. The bible records that she pleased the King and his chiefs in the palace so well that a massive wealth transfer was laid out on her laps. However, purposeful thinking, insight and diligence was not found in her, hence she swapped an opportunity to be great in life for the selfish desires of her mother and apparently Mentor.

A whole lot of people have walked around with the consciousness of God’s gift upon their lives that they over-celebrate the presence, thinking that’s all that matters. Here is the truth, the gift (seed) only grants you audience and gives you a platform to be great and thrive upon.

I know of a gifted man in arts and crafts. It was obvious that God’s gift was present upon him, hence it didn’t take long before he started getting contracts and business connections in the very height of National leadership. His gifts paved way for him and brought him in contact with the elites in the society and Nation. However, as fast as he got the connections, so also he came crash-landing. What could have happened? Character, Attitude and Diligence was not found in him, and he therefore couldn’t stand for long in the presence of great men. Seesth thou a man diligent in his business, he shall stand before Kings and not before mean men. Key word here is STAND. Long continuance in business with great men.

Character, Attitude, Diligence (Prov. 22:29), Purposeful living (Dan. 1:8) and Insight, are the ingredients that converts the seed into greatness. Decide today to imbibe all these and see things working in your favor and see yourself on the pathway to greatness.

Friends, do not hide under religious antics and neglect these key components. You can create a new beginning for yourself. It’s never too late to set things right. You can make the most of God’s gift, His seed upon your life and reach for greatness.

Greatness is in you, it’s a new day and a new beginning for us all.

Shalom!

The NYSC Orientation Camp Diary of a Corper - Part II

...continued from Part I...Link:
http://holyparcel.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-diary-of-corperpart-i.html

I joined Orientation Broadcast Service (OBS), the radio house of the Camp. OBS opened me to a whole new world of broadcasting. News compiling, editing, including all the technicalities of broadcasting in that small community called Orientation Camp. Going from end-to-end trying to get news details and reporting in the office for other assignments wasn’t a small task. In no time, I became the Welfare Head of the OBS. Additional responsibility, but that seems to be a familiar terrain for me, hence I flourished easily in that capacity. Many joined OBS for several reasons ranging from parade and drilling abstinence, posting opportunities, redeployment offers, etc, well, I joined because I wanted to contribute my quota to the success of the Orientation Camp beyond the limitations of platoon presentations and competitions. In my sojourn in OBS, I sent a couple of shout-outs to UItes home and abroad. Soon, I made friends first in OBS, in my platoon and then in fellowship.

One major programme of the Orientation Camp I detested was the Seminars and Skill Acquisition. It just bores me…and at this juncture, I must give my deepest appreciation to MTN Nigeria, network always so effective in the hall…so Corpers just PING their way all through the talk sessions. As an OBS member, I was always at the technical stand, so I get to charge my phones as I enjoy the social network applications on my berry. Lectures ends 2pm and God help you if your food flask is not nearby to get your lunch instantly, you’ll have to queue for a long time not forgetting evening parade commences by 4pm (without stories). Evening parade is always 3hours. i.e. 4pm till 7pm. Fellowship starts 7pm daily, so immediately you collect your food (dinner), it’s straight to fellowship. When I say fellowship, I mean NCCF. There are only 3 bodies permitted on Camp. They are NCCF, NACC and MCAN. NACC is the acronym for Nigerian Association of Catholic Corpers. MCAN is the acronym for Muslim Corpers Association of Nigeria. NCCF, is the interdenominational body of Christian Corpers on the Camp. So wherever denomination you belong to, forget about it for that one year and let’s unite the body of Christ as the Christian Corpers that we are. Having everything in common and doing everything in unity in obedience to Christ. This became the daily routine for everyone. But just when boredom began to set in, things took a different turn.

Going into the second week, platoon presentations and competitions started. Well, I wasn’t so interested in the dance, the fashion, Miss this, Miss that, Mr. this, Mr. that…I was only interested in a few things, Football and Cooking Competition. My platoon was not a star-studded platoon so we had to fight our way through to the finals. Unity was the key! We played as a team with yours truly scoring some vital and important goals to push the team into the final. Well, we were pimped to the trophy by a goal scored from a controversially awarded penalty. It was heart-breaking but I took consolation in a call-up into the state NYSC football team. Why my Dad didn’t allow me engage fully in soccer while I was growing up, still beats me. In the cooking competition, my platoon came first. We cooked one kind of rice called “Tanzanian Rice”. When a lady in my platoon suggested that stuff, I felt like slapping her. After cooking the food and the general food for the platoon which was ofcourse Jollof-rice, in annoyance and shame, I left the venue before the judges came in. I couldn’t stay to see the look on the faces of the judges when they see and taste what a whole platoon is presenting in a competition (Tanzanian Rice). It was therefore a surprise to me when I woke up the next morning to the news that my platoon had won the cooking competition.

While I was popular as an OBS member and also in my platoon, I was the gentle lad in fellowship, sneaking in and sneaking out immediately service ends. The only unit I joined was Drama, probably because of the Creative Thinkers (the drama unit of my fellowship, WCF on campus during undergraduate days) influence. I loved our rehearsals, it’s always fun and intriguing. Our ministrations were always power-packed. I just didn’t want to be noticed especially as I was running away from leadership positions (I needed rest and a break from those, I thought to myself). It was a surprise to me when I was summoned for an interview. I deliberately came in my soccer boots and jersey for the interview to serve as discouragement. I tried as much as I could to be polite during the interview and after the session, I felt I had escaped.

I was dumbfounded and astonished therefore when my name was called up amongst the Central Executives of the Nigeria Christian Corpers’ Fellowship, Katsina State Chapter on the last Sunday on camp. During the introduction, I had to ask again what office I was called out for…and was told it’s General Secretary. When opportunity to serve God comes, I grab it with both hands, I know what happened to Jonah, I don’t want part II of that.

On the final night on Camp, at the variety night in fellowship, we were served chilled Tea and biscuits. At this point, we all had forgotten how good tea tastes due to the error we had been served for the past 3weeks. The Tea served was very cold and tasted so good that even in my calm and quiet attitude, I drank like 4cups…now imagine how many cups other active corp members drank. Returning to my room that night, it was shouts and disturbance in the hostels. Anxiety as regards posting and eagerness to leave the orientation camp and start exploring wouldn’t allow you sleep. As early as 2am, Corpers had started returning their mattresses and dressing up in preparation for passing out parade. We eventually finished parade around 12noon and posting letters were distributed. Surprise, intrigue, fear of the unknown, joy, tears…those were the expressions I read on the faces of the individuals as they collected their posting letters. I smiled when I saw mine. I was posted to a private establishment in Katsina town. Some of my friends relocated, some into villages and towns and others into ministries. Goodbyes are always hard to say…but we just had to depart. We said our goodbyes and headed in our different directions.

Orientation Camp was fun and intriguing. Actually a lot went down in those 21days within the walls of that Orientation Camp, language classes which we made fun of, swearing in and passing out ceremonies where the Governor never showed up, the Director General’s visit to our camp and the anticipation of his N38,000 allowance increase announcement, bicycle and transport allowances (N1500 and N1000 naira respectively), the fights on the queues. Not forgetting the first allowee (N19,800) paid a few days to the end of the Orientation Camp which Corpers lavished on wholesome meals at the Mami market and some friends exhausted over the weekend.

All in all, Orientation  Camp was interesting, fun and eye-opening, making friends with soldiers and military men. Did I mention we contributed a huge sum of money in my platoon and after doing all we planned and set out to do, we had like N24,000 left. Whatever happened to that money??? *PicksUpPhoneDialingPlatoonLeaders’Number*…I’ll be back!

THE NYSC Orientation Camp DIARY OF A CORPER...Part I

There is a thin line between Euphoria and Reality…that line is called EVENT. The long wait between graduation and Call-up (November – February…seems like eternity) coupled with the euphoria of serving my fatherland jolted to reality when I saw KT on the NYSC posting list that cold night at Niser Park in University of Ibadan on March 01, 2013 by 8pm. At first, I tried to picture KT as somewhere else, but then reality kept hammering KATSINA! KATSINA!! KATSINA!!!  In a rush, the prayers I had prayed incessantly in the recently concluded Winners 21days fasting and praying came rushing to my mind. “…Lord, I do not bank on ANYBODY but You, as regards my Service Year, let Your will be done!”. In that moment, joy filled my soul…an assignment beckons in far away North. I put a call through to my Dad (who had been working Abuja), he was stupefied and together with mum could only give parental blessings.

I’m not the type to sit in a bus for long hours, so immediately I got back home, I made my flight bookings. 3rd of March, 2013, 9pm, I left home for the airport bidding family and friends goodbye. In my mind, I knew there was no reunion for the next 365days except calls, SMS and social networking. I met a fellow UIte at the airport, Busola by name and together we boarded the flight to Kano early hours of Monday, 4th March, 2013. All through the flight, I peeped through the window and all I saw was arid land stretching kilometers.  Fear gripped me as I tried convincing myself we were still in Nigeria. Landing in  Kano, I bid Busola goodbye as she headed towards Jigawa ( I didn’t even collect her number) and took the first cab to Katsina. That trip was like the “Israelite Wilderness Experience”. Dry land, dry rivers, dry water-ways…and I felt I should have taken a truckload of LaCasera along.

I arrived at the Camp Ground and since the camp was to commence the following day, I sought refuge at the NCCF Family House. NCCF – Nigeria Christian Corpers’ Fellowship (well, if you are a Christian Corper and you don’t associate with NCCF, then you don’t know what you missed/are missing). Very early the next morning, we (new otondos) were brought to the Orientation Camp Ground as early as 7am and guess what, I was given tag no 224 despite arriving that early. Before entering the Camp (there was a queue at the gate), all prohibited materials were seized from Corpers. Although I had no exhibit in my luggage except a stapler, favor found me and I was ushered in without a search.

First thing to do (as I heard) was getting a mattress and a bed space. Off I went, and guess what…toast bread is actually thicker than those mattresses. They were like the thickness of a higher education exercise book. Well, it’s better than sleeping on the iron bunk or bare floor, so I grabbed the neatest I could find, secured a bed space and headed for the Registration hall. I was on the queue for over 3-4hours before I could commence my registration process. After completing stages 1, 2, 3 and 4, I was directed to the platoon officer’s office for the 5th and final stage of registration where I was to collect my training kits and meal ticket. Getting to her office, I met another queue…I almost cried! You mean I have to queue here again? To make matters worse, she had informed the early arrivals that she won’t be around until around 3pm. I checked my wrist watch, it was past 12noon. Choi! I will stay under this sun for the next 3hours? I glanced around and saw people chatting and gisting, apparently departmental mates from same school. Despite the fact that 93 UItes were deployed to Katsina, I was the only Computer Scientist in my class posted here. I was all alone to myself in front of the store where we queued and I watched as other platoon officers carted away the best of the kits for their platoon members. At this stage, the only reason I didn’t curse my platoon officer was because I lived the life of Christ.

She eventually arrived around 3:30pm, at that time, my eye socket were almost popping out due to hunger. I had been offered food earlier by the NCCF people which I rejected due to the euphoria of resuming in camp. Now, I wished I had eaten the food. By the time she arrived, most of the good kits have been carted away. I eventually got my kits around past 4pm. No sooner had I gotten my kits than I heard the beagle blown. At first, I was wondering what that was for until I saw soldiers running towards us with sticks, batons and whips sending everyone to the parade ground. Hunger disappeared instantly. I maneuvered my way to my bed space, kept my other kits in my bag, hurriedly changed to white shorts, shirt, socks and tennis and hurriedly joined them on the parade ground.

Chants of Parade Attention! Stand at ease! Attention by Number! Filled the air. Ofcourse, only intellectuals like me got it first-hand, others thought they were saying Praysion, Sanda-is… On and on this went till 7pm when they finally released us. At that point, I was crying within but smiling outside. I couldn’t attend service (fellowship) that night due to fatigue. I just went to Mami Market, bought a drink and collected my dinner (something that looked like rice…couldn’t tell in my hungry state), ate and went to bed instantly.

Immediately I closed my eyes (or so it appeared, cos it was so fast)…I heard the sound of the beagle calling us out for early morning parade. Again? Half asleep, half awake, we dragged ourselves to the parade ground. You dare not walk because the soldiers were ever at your heels. The call was for morning devotion, prayers and meditation. As soon as the Muslim corpers joined us, early morning drills commenced. Drilling went on till 9am. Breakfast was almost served immediately and you don’t want to miss it no matter how bad it was. They said they served bread and Tea, but I think I ate stone and hot sandy water. The bread served was as hard as you can imagine and the tea, well, whoever called “SUCO” (sachet tea) “Eruku Oshodi” certainly has not seen and tasted the tea served at Katsina NYSC Orientation Camp. I just knew I took hot water with something inside. Food at the Orientation Camp here was bad or ‘badder’ than you can imagine. Although the food was a disappointment, yet the Tuwo Shinkafa served is a meal I earnestly look forward to. Always a delight to eat that meal in the night. A lot of people fell sick and hospitalized due to complaints from their body system. Thank God for the kind of system he gave me, I eat anything, anywhere, anytime, anyhow…without adverse effects. Glory be to him for that. So any form their meal came, met my wonderful system just on point.

...to be continued

Part II: 

http://holyparcel.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-diary-of-corper-part-ii.html

BEFORE YOU SAY "I DO..."

As it has been said over and over again, the concept of marriage cannot be over-emphasized. Marriage is a life-long affair and it’s disheartening to know that many people spend YEARS studying Cats and Lizards in the University, spend MONTHS preparing for wedding and did not even take time out to prepare for marriage. In preparation for marriage, there are books you need to read, effectual fervent prayers to pray, lives you need to study and above all things you both need to talk about before you say “I DO”! Communication is a very essential factor if there will be understanding between 2 or more individuals.

Therefore in preparing for marriage, here are a few things you need to talk about. If these things can be TRUTHFULLY discussed, then the decision that follows will be in the best interest of both parties. Let’s take a walk as we go through some of these itineraries:

Ø  Intelligence Level: You will be discussing issues together in marriage so you both must consider each other’s intelligence level. Communication cannot be effective if the husband is talking in one direction  and the wife is talking in another direction. Intelligence level however is not a function of academic qualification, but of attitude towards mental development.

Ø  Family background: How will it affect your relationship? Family is something you both cannot do without even in your relationship. Make necessary findings about each other’s family background and trash out every necessary detail before proceeding. No time for shock discoveries after wedding.

Ø  Formal Education: What is the height of Education attainable and obtainable. How further do you wish to go. Let this issue be discussed before proceeding. No time for strange ambitions later on in life. It may cause damage in the home.

Ø  Verbal Skills: How vocal is your spouse? Are you the talking type? Is your wife also the talking type? No one wishes to talk to an image or deaf and dumb. Communication is effective when both parties are deeply involved. Also when you attend functions, if your partner is the talking type, be ready to also talk. Desire for verbal intimacy – Women love to talk, can you comprehend such as a man?

Ø  Expected Goals: What do you expect of her as the mother and father of your children. No room for shockers in the future. What is the drive behind those goals of his/hers. Let everything be clearly spelt out and accepted before consent is given towards a future together. Values and Goals. Your controls. How best do you control yourself?

Ø  Submission views: What are her views about being submissive? If she won’t allow you talk, air your views, succumb in an argument, etc. Brother, take heed, it’s possible she’s not the submissive type. Learn and make a decision if you are still willing to go ahead.

Ø  Number of children: When married, how many children are you both willing to have? What Family planning methods are you willing to adopt. Are you both willing to have a child immediately after marriage. If not, what happens if she immediately take-in after wedding.

Ø  Child rearing views: We were all brought up differently, so we all have different views about Child up-bringing. Never assume that your ideas about the issue is the same to avoid clashes in marriage. It won’t be nice if the husband is training the child in a way and the wife is bringing-up the child in the other way, you’ll be causing factions in the family.

Ø  General Views: What are your Mental, Psychological, Social and Emotional views of life. How does life situations affect you both. There are people that can cry their heart out just because there was earthquake in China, to avoid amusement during marriage, discuss these things thoroughly.

Ø  Sense of Humor: What appears as a joke to you, does he/she see it as a joke too? Do you have the same sense of humor or you both don’t even have a sense of humor. Then get ready for dull moments in the house. Your children will seek fun elsewhere or keep to themselves much if there is never a lively environment in the home.

Ø  Punctuality: This is a very vital issue that needs to the trashed. You’ll both be attending functions and events. What’s your view about “African timing”? There are situations where the man drove to an occasion that both of them were planning to attend just because he has been waiting in the car for the wife for over 30minutes.

Ø  Dependent Level: Are you the dependent type. How dependent will you be on your spouse. If you are the highly dependent type, then that means your partner must not stay away from home for too long (if at all he/she will need to travel), else there will be a collapse.

Ø  Conflicts: Occasionally there may be conflicts, talk about how to resolve it. What are the things you both can handle? Talk about your strengths and Weaknesses. What are your fears? What can your spouse do to appease you when you are angry. How can he/she increase the anger.

Ø  Handling friendships: How do you both handle relationship with the opposite sex even after wedding. Jealous things. Are you the type that your husband must NEVER hug another lady after wedding? Are you the type that your wife must not wink at an old friend? Talk about these things.

Ø  Multidimensional relationship: With God, Spouse, Parents, Siblings, Friends, Academic pursuit, Vision, Goals and ambitions. What’s your threshold for lack of attention from your spouse for some minutes. Talk about your dedication to each of the above listed individuals/commitments.

Ø  Attitude about weight and body posture: He/She might not remain a “lepa” for life, she might double/triple in size very soon. Will you still love her for who she is even after she has ‘inflated’?

Ø  Religious and Spiritual beliefs: The God you believe in determines how you behave and relate with people. What are your beliefs. Amount of church involvement. How many times a week? What’s your opinion on service in the house of God, iron these things out before saying “I do!”

Ø  Hobbies and interests: Type of music enjoyed, things you do for relaxation. Obviously, if the husband is the Barclays English Premier League type and the Wife is the African Magic, Hi-Nolly Yoruba type, then there will be conflict. Choice of cars, size and style of house.

Ø  Income Distribution: Total amount of income to be spent, saved, given out, etc. Joint or separate accounts? Money issues can destroy homes, it’s better to discuss such things before going ahead with the wedding. How much should be allocated to vacation, church, relatives, etc. Investment risks.

Ø  Cleanliness: Attitude to odour, dirty environments, etc. While some individuals do not see any wrong in living in a house not swept for three days, others can’t bear the thought of staying in an unswept environment for a day. If the husband is the type that wears clothes once and wants them washed whereas the wife is one that can wear clothes twice or thrice before considering a wash, there may be a problem.

Ø  Sickness: Ways of handling illness. Are your methods Spiritual, Medical, etc. and in what order of priority. What are your individual health standards – do you visit doctors regularly? While some individuals depend totally on God for divine healing, others can’t do without their monthly check ups and visits to their doctor. Consider these things before saying “I do!”

Ø  Interpersonal and social skills: How she relates with God the Supreme being, the poor, rich, mighty, elites, weak, sick, waiter, doorman, security personnel, family, friends, colleagues at work, etc. Don’t be fooled, human don’t change, attitudes are only suppressed into oblivion when the Spirit of the Lord takes over.

Ø  Geographical standards: Where can you live/reside? You two might have views world apart as it concerns residential areas. While your spouse prefers quiet and reserved areas, you might not have a flair for silent areas, but for lively areas, where you don’t get to miss all the happenings. Remote and secluded areas might be some people’s favorite. House chores, cooking and living standards – furniture and decorations. Travelling frequently and method of travelling – Water, Air, Road, Rail, etc.

Ø  Occupation: This is a variant of how much time spent you want to be spending together. Who can you marry (occupation-wise)? Ofcourse if you are marrying a Medical Practitioner, Petroleum Engineer, Politician or a Pilot, the time spent together will obviously vary when compared to getting married to a Lecturer, Clergy, Government Worker, etc.

Ø  Bed time and Rest time: When to go to bed. When to wake up. To some people, night prayers will be the last activity for the day, whereas to others, it’s a movie that puts them to sleep. For such a couple, the lady wants to sleep immediately after prayers, but the husband still wants to watch the movie, surf the internet, play games, etc. Time for morning devotions, what time do you wake up for your devotions?

Above all, trust and faith will make you both triumph over any of such circumstance. Trust absolutely in God and all will be well.